Baby Diaries- Volume 1

"Aaaah, So Comfy!"

Day 0:

"Here I am, lazing in this coccoon... This is heaven! I have my eyes closed, yet I see the world... "

"Is that you Angel?", said I... "I was told by the light in the heavens that I will meet you... You are Angel aren't you?"

The Angel nodded...

"You know, everytime I stretch my legs and kick them, I feel that someone's placing their ear there... I mean, Whoever it is out there, Do they like being kicked in their ears??"

"And I hear voices too... they say 'Oh, when u'll come, I'll make sure you gonna be a Doctor one day, Oh you gonna be an engineer!'... What are they?? and where am I going??"

"Sometimes, I feel that they are putting something in front of me through this wall here.. I have a feeling someone watches me sometimes... eerie I tell you... not even giving me my privacy!!!

"OK..Seems you won't answer much...,So as per the agreement, you have to save my skin everytime I fall into deep waters, provided of course, I keep a good behaviour prior to that, right?... hmmm, done!!"...

"Wait-a-minute!! Why am I being forced out now??? Heyyy!!! Heyyyy!!!! What gives??? Noooo.. Nooo.. I like it here... Ohhhhh nooooooooooo!!!!!!"

"Oh, Ouch, I'm being evicted!! Quit pushing... O gosh Am I stuck?? O push for God's sakes!!! Push!!! Push!!! Push!!!! DO SOMETHING, Coz I don't know my way back in!!!"

"Wooooooooo!!!! Geez, Why am I being stared at by these things? What's this icky red thing on me? What's this??"

And there I was, in confusion!-covered with blood and the umbilical cord still attached to me...I was crying... a lot... I didn't wanna leave that place... Yes, folks I was born! And so, probably you now know why babies cry after they're out!!

DAY 1:
"Activity?? Score 2... Active motion!

Pulse rate?? Around 100 BPM sir.. seems normal!

Reflex response ?Normal!

How's his colour??? He seems normal!!

How's his breathing??? Good sir!"

After hearing this, I fell into a verrrry deep sleep.. Gee I was tired.... I could see my angel say "whew!"

Day 2:

"Koochie Koo!!!"..'Awwww!!"...."Oh so Cute!"

These were the most often words heard as the day progressed... Well, Of course I'm cute... Babies are meant to be cute! That's their USP!

When people said, "He's just like his father/mother", I really wondered if they thought I should look like someone else... I mean, Genetically, I should have features like my mum or dad... What'd they want- me look like Elvis???

Many people came to 'see' me... as if I was some kind of an act...

My Mum was looking quite tired... Yet, she held me against her chest and lulled me to go to sleep... I DON'T WANNA SLEEP! 1st you disturb me in the cocoon where I'm nicely resting, and then evict me out.. and now you wanna make me do the same thing which I would have done back there anyways?? Hmmpff- Humans!!

But then, as she held me more in her arms, I wondered if there was anything more cozier than this.. I mean, the bed where they kept me was comfy enough, but this... Mmmmm, warm, cozy and nice...

I was breastfed today.. I mean I was fed on Day 0 too, but was too high to remember anything... Its when my Mum puts me to her chest area, and puts my mouth against a small projection coming outta it, and I have to draw something out from it... It's called Milk, and is supposed to be the most bestest food ever for me right now for sometime... at least that's what the nurse was saying... But hey, I like it!

I really wonder what my dad does in all this? I mean, my mom gave birth to me, she holds me most of the time, she feeds me... and what does he do? Just stand there and watch! No wonder God didn't give man the gift to be a mom... he'd waste it left, right and centre wondering WTF to do!!

I can't wait to be fed again!! What do I do!!! Mom... Mom... Geez she can't hear me...

"O look.. he's saying something...Goo Goo Gaa Gaa to you too, my boy... I know you wanna go from here and wanna start trekking with me ASAP... I know, I know!"

That was my Dad.. and I was so pissed off over him! Why.. coz I don't wanna trek now.. I want my Milk!!!

Geez Mom, Doesn't he get it?? O gosh... He doesn't... neither does Mum... I feel like crying... Noooo.... Waaaaahhaaa!!!

No sooner I started crying, than my Mum swung into action and started to feed me... Bless her... and now, I found out a way to call out to Mum when I need feeding-just CRY!

Quite some time later, I was so full, that I felt the need to get it out... Lazy that I was, I just let it come out... But then, the stink was un-freakin-believable! So I did what I did best- "Waaaaaah!!!"

Bless Mum... Its almost as if she had done her PhD in Baby Linguistics...


DAY 3:
The Doctor's performed some routine tests on me... This was my first exposure to an actual Test... Dad said "Son, You will be having many more such tests in life- not as easier as this.. but some where you have to take out all courage and...."

Waaaaaahhh!!!!

And I was saved! Bless you Mum!

It seems that I was ready to go home... Dad had bought his Car... Nice shiny silver car.. made me wanna pee in it, but decided against it...coz it seemed new..

And I couldn't pee out... 'coz apparently, they made me wear some sort of cotton- armored clothing which retains all fluid and semisolid elements, thereby not letting it affect the external environment.

Mum called them 'Diapers'...

Baby Diaries Volume 1- Over and Out!!!

The Flower and the Tree

Forests have always being known for being mysterious and enchanting... This story is not mysterious nor enchanting.. It is the story of a Flower and a Tree which were located in the forest. The Flower was quite unique, because ever since it blossomed on the tree, it was always there...

The Flower and the Tree were quite good friends. One day, the Flower was very angry with the Tree... The Flower felt that the Tree was praising it way too much, even to the extent of comparing the Flower with the greatest things ever created.. and despite of insisting again and again not to do it, somehow, the Tree couldn't help but say it..

The Flower was very upset indeed... It wondered whether the Tree was aware of the fact that it was doing so...

The Tree agreed...

"You are correct. I have been doing so, despite you telling me not to.

You see, when I was here alone, I never knew the beauty of life around me. I had sight, but my vision-blinded...

..And when you rose up in the spring before the Summer, my life turned around... It was as if the sunlight renewed its interest in my life...

Gradually, all things became bright and beautiful... Worst days ended as they came...

And if, in letting you know how much you mean to me, has made you upset over me, then I am really very sorry. It may have come intentionally without my awareness... It could come later unintentionally too... But I promise you that I'm trying my hardest not to do it again.

If you are angry over me, I accept to being the cause of your anger...and I will make every effort to take it away...

If you are disappointed over me, I promise, I will spare no effort in taking it away...

If you want to scream at me, I'll let you scream anything at me... but don't keep it in your heart for so long that it causes my heart to wither away...

You blossom where my heart is; my heart is my life...

Dear Flower, I know I did not listen to you, but I did no wrong... And in no way I am trying to justify myself..

Its just that, I guess, sometimes, spoken words convey a lot more than hidden tears..."

No sooner the flower began to speak, than there was a familiar music playing in the background...

It was my alarm...reality.... 4.30 am- time to wake up for work... jeez!

What did the Flower answer? I don't know.. perhaps, I'll never know...

Common "Wealth" Games!!

So the Commonwealth Games (CWG) are supposed to be held from October 3-14 , 2010 in Delhi. (I say 'supposed to' because it looks like they are still confused ;))...and the way they are being set up, it seems that the politicians have misunderstood the term "Commonwealth" with "Common Wealth"... ;)

You all know that the Commonwealth comprises of all countries who were under the British empire. The Games are held every four years in order to promote relations amongst the Commonwealth group (rather, its like each nation wanting to say 'We're one-up on you!"..."Screw you! We have better athletes!!!(evil,sinister laugh follows)!!" )

So, for the 1st time, the CWG are being held in India, and second time in Asia (after 1998, Malaysia)..So technically, The CWG committee still has raging suspicion over the capabilities of the Asian countries to conduct such events, something which India is tryoing to prove RIGHT!!!

The fall guy here is Mr. Suresh Kalmadi.. This guy should be an epitome for the word 'Incapable'!! We won the rights to host the games waaaaaaaay back in 2003 (you know, the year India lost to Australia in the World Cup.. and personally my not-so-favorite year!!)..So this guy had more than half-a-freakin-decade to set things right in Delhi... We still have't found out what this bugger has done so far except waste money... Our official expenses (so far) is 1.6 BILLION (yes, billion!) dollars... which is waaaaaaaaay more than the official budget in 2004... Of course, inflation should be taken into account, but the degree of variance is quite high!!

Everyday, I read about new developments on timesofindia.com pertaining to the games... More than the sports part, there seems to be more news on the corruption surrounding it!

Corruption:

We know India is a nation filled with corrupt babus... So keeping up with the reputation, the Indian CWG Committee have taken corruption to all new levels (actually, we have our own level of corruption in India which is unparalleled by any nation..But when it comes to Sports, its the first time we're witnessing these levels!).. Illustrated below is an example of the marvellous 'deals' done by the members of the organising commitee...

Normal Cost of a basic treadmill: INR 10000-15000 per machine

Cost of a treadmill at Harrods, London: INR 7 Lakhs per machine

Cost of LEASING (not buying!) a treadmill for the CWG: INR 9.75 Lakhs per machine!!!

This is just the tip of the Iceberg... the Comptroller and Auditor General(the guy who audits the income and expenditure of the government) will be making enquiries into the entire episode and one thing is certain- we WILL unearth something!!

I am just imagining what I can do with Rs. 9.75 Lakhs... I can list them out, but then this will get too damn long! :P

You know, its actually humorous i.e. the CWG motto this time around.."Come out & play".. I mean, its not like you go out of your house and say 'Chunnu, Munnu, Bunty, Babli,,, Come out and play!"... And play on WHAT? the stadiums are hardly ready... one bout of heavy rain and the whole infrastructure got screwed... security is still an issue.. So the question is, will they come out?

I guess the babus must've thought, our athletes play in substandard conditions anyways... So why can't the rest of the world!?

Well, 71 nations are gonna participate in this showcase event... and going by the current scenario, its hardly a showcase...

If Kalmadi is trying to incept the idea in us that the games will be a superhit, then I think he still hasn't understood the movie yet...

Well, to end on a non-cynical note, I really wish that the games are a success... I don't give a damn what happens to Kalmadi afterwards, even if he's gulity or not.. what matters is, Shera the mascot of the games, needs to roar aloud... Good things can happen... Cab drivers, bus drivers etc are getting English lessons, beggars are (hopefully) relocated to government run shelters... infrastructure is being developed, Plans are in place to provide power to Delhi throughout the games such that Delhi will have excess power till year end... So, we can just hope that human life gets better because of the games...

Seriously, at this moment, Kalmadi needs an 'All Izz well' from someone...

Let the games (hopefully) begin!

NB:

Knock Knock...

Who's there?

Kalmadi

Kalmadi who?

Kal madi vaat lagne waali hai!!!

Amul

"Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed."
- Josh Billings

The best of authors, writers and poets have written about flattery... some even extreme like comparing flattery to an evil...

I ain't gonna write about the moralities of flattery... No way José!

I wanted to write on this topic for a long time, especially since I committed to writing about this.. I started with a story, but it seemed so lame that I'm sure that someone would have shot me at point blank range at the opportunity...

After a brief block, I cogitated on this topic, and wondered, why the term "buttering up" has been used to describe flattery.. and what is more interesting to note, is that,the Indian word equivalent for 'butter' is also used to describe over-praising someone, viz. 'Maska maarna'!

Upon researching on this, I found that there is no "butter" equivalent in other languages for flattery...I could be wrong...there are millions of languages and dialects, and a
section of people may be using this word... but from what I have seen, in mainstream usage, there are hardly any languages which share this relation....

So Strange, I thought, especially since we have always used 'buttering up' and 'maska marna' in the same breath...

Let's face it, we Indians will tend to maska marao the other person to get the job done-...Be it:

- Your parents ("Mama/Papa, U the best!!... no one like u..ummm may I have money to watch the movie!")..

- Siblings (You a good sibling na... You are in fact the best bro/sis a person could ever have.. 7000 births will not be enough to find a sibling like you... So, Umm, you not gonna tell mum that I broke her best set of cups... pukka na?)

- The municipal worker who needs a dose of "arrey bhai, aap itne bade important aadmi hai municipality ke liye, aap hamara kaam nahi karoge toh kaun karega!" ..

-The Boss (Sirrrr... Omigod, You are great sir... you are God... There's no one like you sir... you are super... I worship u sirrrrr.... umm, I also wanted to ask you if there's a possibility for a raise sirrrr.. I am sure that your kind, generous heart ... golden heart... will accept my request sirrrr!!!)

Yet another point to prove why flattery is in-built in us Indians..is thus..

I'm sure many of you know what a 'chamcha' is... Yes, I know its a spoon... but think of a politician... say, Mayawati, and the people that hang on to her, over-praising her as the next big thing...(Yes, Even I feel that she's the next big thing... in terms of the size of her over-inflated ego i.e.!)

So 'chamcha', which is used to describe the flatterers, is yet an other example of how Indianised the concept of flattery is! We have the butter and also the means to apply it!!!

So, in this vein, I would like to rechristen the concept of 'BUTTERING UP' to the most famous butter brand in India..

So the next time you wanna use the term for flattering someone, say ' What re... you are Amuling too much!" :P

So I guess its true...Amul= The taste of India!

Be true to your country... Be Indian, Buy Indian and Say Indian!!

Life as a musical instrument...

Life is like a musical instrument, isn’t it? What notes we play determine how the composition will end; either beautifully or otherwise...

So if we play good, honest tunes, there’s no doubt that the great music conductor orchestrating from the heavens will surely show his happiness.

So what if someone says, “Oh, but I’ve got the worst musical instrument…Defective right from Day 1!”…

Well, I guess this person doesn’t know what an after-sales service is...

You see, God is a wonderful salesman… an honest one too… (well, You hardly get excellent salesmen with sincere attributes these days!)

When God gave you the musical instrument, he expected nothing in return for himself…rather, he expected in return that you play the musical instrument to its fullest potential. That was all that he wanted!

God realized, if I made everyone equal, people wouldn’t appreciate how different each of them was. So, he decided, in his grand plans, that he will create everyone differently, but will treat each one of them equally.

Now, let’s say, you got the worst musical instrument… So what’s its problem? Is it not playing well?

You should first be congratulated for understanding why your instrument is not playing well!

Ever thought of repairing it???

Ok, So now you get down to repairing it… ;) Here’s how you should ideally do it!

Step 1:

Put the instrument right before your eyes. Check it and see where it is that you can’t play it.

Step 2:

Observe that area carefully. Analyze (but don’t overanalyze!) how it should be, how it is, why it is, etc … (That’s why I said, analyze…don’t overanalyze!)

At this stage, you should probably have found out now that there is an ‘XYZ’ defect in your instrument.

Step 3:

Now that you know, solve it…Here are some handy tips to get you on the right trail.

1. If the instrument has come apart, what should you do?
a) Cry…bawl…and bicker “Why has it come apart????”
b) Wonder, “WTF do I do?” for the rest of your life.. OR
c) Take a bottle of Glue/ Fevicol and paste it back.

2. If the instrument has strings, and they’re broken, you:
a) Take the broken strings and hang yourself with them tying them around your neck
b) Wonder, “WTF do I do?” for the rest of your life.. OR
c) Go and buy new strings and put them on…

3. If the instrument has a foreign object inside it, You:
a) Allow it to dominate your instrument for the rest of its life
b) Wonder, “WTF do I do?” for the rest of your life.. OR
c) Get some tool and remove it.

Now, in all of the above questions, I believe that option (c) is the best option. It’s not like I have purposely kept the best option as (c), but then ‘c’ sounds cool… ;) :P

So, you see, no matter whatever is wrong with your instrument, there IS ALWAYS an option to repair it. And the best part is, we all have choices… The choice we make in trying to fix the instrument determines how effectively we will maintain the instrument.

So, to save us from all costs arising from after sales service (and also having the foresight in knowing that all the Customer Care Angels in heaven will be terribly tied up as the number of instruments in the world increase day by day), he devised a system where we, humans, could determine what is wrong with the instrument and fix it ourselves...

The system was initially called “Application System of neurotic strength to derive solutions using typical means without overexerting the utilization of resources”… But knowing that all aren’t God, he decided to call it “Common Sense”…

So, the next time you moan about the defective ‘maal’, thank God that he didn’t decide to junk you in the Rejected category! :P

I have used Musical instruments as a metaphor for life because everyone loves music…

Even the deaf love music. Beethoven was deaf, but didn’t he go on to become the greatest musician of all time?

A lady who was blind, deaf, unable to speak, went on to become the greatest known authors and activist… She passed her Bachelor of Arts despite living with such conditions…The lady, Helen Keller lived through it all, and didn’t let these shortcomings affect her.

So no matter what shortcomings you face, you are equal in God’s eyes, and he expects you to solve the problems yourself.

Once you commit yourself to solving the problem, God’ll make sure that he carries you through the end…

So, coming back, hope we’ve played a nice tune together.

There will be people who will play great tunes in your life. They can be anyone- Mum, dad, brother, sister, best friend, good friends, relative, anyone… So understand the music, because they are playing a part of themselves for your comfort…

Life is a musical Instrument, play it with full “Energico”! So that when you go ahead for a new Instrument, God will say “You know, you played the previous instrument so well, that I think I’m gonna give you a much better instrument this time…” And then you realize why some people have better instruments than some other.

Happy playing!

Scars and Stripes

Either you roll over, wallow in depression and die sadly with no one giving a shit for you because no one wants to know you now ,or you simply fight back and live your own.


Things don't go as per plan. You make wrong decisions... You sort of become very complacent, people start misunderstanding you... In short, whatever screw-ups have to happen, happen at once.


Started to doubt myself, I did. What is this going on?


Was sad, and there was no one around. After all, who wants to be seen around a depressed person? Everyone's too busy and engrossed in their own lives.


O freakin hell, were those really days or living nightmares? Couldn't know the difference if it wasn't for father time.


And O' hell, the Insecurity! damn,... So Insecure that you hardly trusted your own life to wake you up the next day...


NO, WAS NEVER ON DRUGS IF THAT'S WHAT YOU HINTING!!


You ever come across a situation where you have absolutely nothing? Nothing to fall back on? Nothing at all... even the family can't understand you then.


This was a few years back...


A few days back, I found myself in such a situation again. It could have repeated again, the entire process of wallowing is grief, the excess thinking (which I believe still prevails, guess thinking too much is one aspect of mine that won't go off), but then I didn't.


Why is it that I didn't go through the same again?


I felt a sense of insecurity creeping in, also a bit of sadness. Yet, I didn't go down this time.


I went back to my past, and faced it. I guess, Its over now. Its done with.


Know no fear towards the vanquished lest the fear brings back the vanquished to life.


The reason why scars exist after the deepest wounds is not to remind ourselves of the wound... I guess it exists to let us know that all wounds, no matter how deep, will definately heal.


I felt that scar. It was there...It is still there. Reminds me why I didn't lose. Because I saw the wound through. I may get cut again. But I now know how to nurture the wound.


People commit suicide because they feel that the wound they have should be healed in the fastest time possible. If it doesn't then they lose all hope and do hara-kiri. The emptiness, the coldness of relationships, lack of success- all contribute to a person tying the noose around his neck.


That's the fine line I guess... Holding your nerve when the situation warrants it to. Have enough nerve to heal the wound into a scar-A scar ain't negative.


I just hope that we realize we are living in a world where people hardly have time. No one's gonna be with you all the time. People could get bored of you, and move on... You'll feel sad and what-not. People will also misunderstand your feelings for them and try to move away from you... Many things are possible.


I ain't Mr. Perfect that I'm gonna bounce right back like a jumpin' bean... Its just that I written this to provide myself a brief glimpse of what I went through. I may read this post again after a year, and may laugh at it, You may read this post now and laugh!


Whatever it is, the shortcomings and all, acknowledge them. Empower yourself to overcome them.


That's when you look at the scar and feel justified that you had to go through all of that.


All will be well... It works out perfectly. Things just work out.


Realise this, and that's when you know your scars have earned you your stripes.

Tired minds...

Scene: Monday Morning.

Setup: Bedroom

Character: You!

Rrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiing........... There goes the alarm to wake you up 'on time'(ya right, as if you gonna spring right up when it rings...)

You linger around your bed, try and open your eyes- your eyes feeling like its a human rights violation to ask them to open up....

Yaaaawwwn, and somehow you brush your teeth, get all chores done, and you finally find yourself standing in front of the mirror, all snazzily dressed up and ready to go. Ho-Hummmm... you wish for Saturday to come again....

You set out towards the Bus stop... You see no one at the stop- "Hah", u say..."No one's come yet!" . No sooner you finish thinking that sentence, than you see the bus already gone!! "Damn, don't bus drivers have Monday Blues while waking up, that they come on time!?!??" And while you are mouthing these lines, another bus pulls up. You hurriedly sprint across to the bus, waving frantically for it to stop. Chances are, If you are a gal, the bus driver will stop for you.. If you a guy, this is one time you wish you were a gal- to have a little chance of getting on the bus!

Assuming you get on the bus, you find yourself seated comfortably (yay, there is God after all!) Again, If you're a gal, you have the seats reserved (though some jerks think otherwise). If you a guy, well, you'll probably adjust well... and no, you won't think again to be a gal... if you get that thought again, do consider some major counselling before you actually go ahead with the same.

Conductor comes up to you, you show your bus pass. Bus pass has expired. You give him a 10 Rupees ka note, and he says," chhutta chahiye, nahi toh agla bus pakdo"... "Why me?", you say...You then have to scourge your wallet, bag and what not to arrive at the perfect change. The conductor then hands you the ticket with a smile so deviant, you can really know that he feels he got one-up on you...

All this, and you ain't at work yet!!

You reach office. Then what follows are:
- Endless meetings within each departments
- Resolving conflicts
- I.T Routine Maintenance checks- which means you can't use your Computer for a while...
- Targets and deadlines, which on saturday were achieved, yet the clients extend the same.
- Communicating with people who can't speak in English or Hindi, and they expect you to know THEIR mother tongue! (Illay! Yenda Rascala!!)
- Calling all vendors to resolve issues. They then behave like government bureaucrats and think they are one-up on us, coz they feel only THEY can solve the issue.

And then you have lunch!

You open up the lunchbox, and see what you don’t like. Bitter gourd with some other vegetables! The only food item available at the canteen is Misal Pav, which again is horrendously made. You go ahead and eat the bitter gourd with rotis, and ask god if he’s a part of a conspiracy theory against you!

Somehow, you grind your nose till office ends.

While returning home, you get caught up in a traffic jam that makes you wonder why they call it a traffic 'Jam', especially when Jam is somethin so wonderful to have.

You come home. Then all of a sudden, the bed becomes the greatest possession you ever own. You just go to it, and with its great powers of seduction, it manages to convince you to sleep on it (geez, is this weird or what?) You lie down. In one split second, you feel all the frustrations of the day going out in a huff. You know its temporary to feel this way, but at least its good. You snuggle up like a baby, and just close your eyes…

No lullaby….

Then you go in a deep trance… you can hear a buzzing sound in your thoughts. You dunno what that means, yet it sounds pleasant.

Next day morning, you wake up and possible repeat the previous day.

Come Sunday morning…

The alarm stays quite…

No one wakes you up…

You feel so much freedom,

The clock ticks on, threatening to go round quickly than usual.

And then, you have your moment of retribution for the entire week…

You say “Piss off! It’s my Sunday Today!” and go back to sleep!!!

The Ocean, The horizon and Life..

Horizon....
Imagine you're at Chowpatty beach...
Look into the ocean... what do you see? an endless view of water sashaying across itself and over the shore... time and time again... the sound of the waves hitting the shores comforts you. you feel at peace, never mind the delirious honking at Marine Drive by cars and buses...

Have you looked into the horizon lately?

Stare at the long distance, you'll see a line. You wonder like a 5 year old," Is that the end of it all, that line?" You wonder, keep on wondering...and then you realise that the line is not the end...but instead it's the beginning of the world ahead for you.

The ocean is such a simple yet mysterious thing... it gives the indication that its so damn lazy, yet it travels almost half the world. No one person would have seen the world as much as the experienced ocean.

It has so much freedom too... we require visas to go to foreign shores...but the ocean- it just goes in... and no one to stop it.

Fishermen, Navy, Terrorists- Everyone loves the ocean as much as they fear it... The Ocean too is neutral I guess. It has no attachment to anyone or anything; It just goes with the flow.

Yet, in all of this unlimited boundary of an ocean, we still dont see what's ahead of the horizon. The Ocean waits for us to wish for it both Hello and Good bye... It wants us to come to the point of your horizon, and gradually make you realise that its not the end yet- It never is. Life goes on. After the pursuit and achievement of one, you get another to pursue and achieve.

Come to me, it says, and realise that this point is not the end...In fact, we're just on the brink of starting it now....

I would like to dedicate this post to all those who made me see the above. They know who they are... they are the most special people in my life... Bless you all.

The DVD of Life- How living your life is akin to writing a DVD!

Living Life is like burning a DVD... Yes, it is..Here's how.

Depending on how your life is charted out, God gives you a DVD.... so if you have 8 rupees in your pocket, you'll have to settle for a low quality DVD. If you have 15 Rs, you'll get a better quality DVD... But, the fact remains true- both the DVDs are blank!

Similairly, based on your past life, if you have carried good karma to this life, you'll get a better quality DVD to write your life in. But again, you start your life at blank!

The DVD is put in the DVD Writer... the software is activated...
Real life= You are just born, in your parents' arms... Life, as we know it, has just begun for you.

You then choose what data you wish to write in your DVD. The DVD is 4.7 GB, but you can only write upto 4.5 GB. You select the burning speed (4x, 8x, 16x). You name your DVD ('My Disc' or whatever)

As you live your life, you get to choose how you live it. Destiny may be written, but the paths you choose to get there determine how you develop yourself. You choose a path, you walk that path, you realise your destiny- sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly. And sometimes, its the path that you avoid to take that becomes the path of your destiny.

The pace at which you live your life decides how and when it ultimately ends. We always think we should live upto 100 years. But then, its not true for all. Some make it, some don't. It is damn irritating, but then that's a part of life.. death i.e.

Some will ask, "what is the point of doing all this?" This is where the destiny part comes in...
Well, what you write in the DVD is what you want. What you write in the DVD of life is your destiny. And that's the DVD's name in itself- Life!

It takes you 10-15 minutes to burn a DVD at 4x speed.
It takes you a lifetime to burn your DVD of life at the chosen speed.

The DVD is burned and ready. The software asks, "Do you want to save your project?" You choose 'Yes' or No' and then the DVD comes out, you put it in a case, and use it for further viewing / use.

When the DVD of life is complete, that's when you know its time. The option of saving your project is similair to writing your own book. You will write an autobiography on your life or have someone paid to do it for you. Then life ends, you get put in a case or maybe you are cremated.

Either way, you soul is now in a grand place called heaven.
This is where God puts on his DVD player (I wonder if he has a Blu-Ray player!) and also super sharp LCD/LED TV, with true to life images. Your DVD is played, and then you sit back and watch all those moments right from where you were born (1st data ever!) till the last one...

Then God decides, whether he liked your DVD or not...and frankly, his opinion does matters a lot!

And depending on how you lived the (now past) life, he either decides to give you a better quality DVD, or upgrades you to a Blu-Ray Disc(Ha! I knew it!).

And then the whole cycle goes on and on and on....

An evening at the theatre...

Theatre (n.):A building where performance of plays or motion-picture shows can be presented.

I had gone to see 'Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince' with a friend this past Sunday. Harry Potter! Boy, do all the Potters in this world want to thank Joanne K Rowling or what?! Got a kid, let’s name him Harry!

Coming back… it would have been a swell of an experience had it not been for some ‘types’ of people…

First, these are aapro seemingly normal people who, for some unexplained reason, get the most important phone calls of their life just while watching the movie screaming out the worst polyphonic ringtones (Thank God monophonic ringtones are now passé!) They receive the call and speak as if they are larger-than-life heroes of an action movie and the world would end if they didn’t receive the call. To further this frustration, he’ll continuously say ‘Hello!! Hello!!’ over and over again. After a few jeers from the crowd, he’ll stand up, adjust his trousers, and try to wade through a sea of legs (occasionally stepping on a few!) As he is ascending down the stairs, he blares out his ‘hellos’ enough to put the effects of the Dolby system to shame!

Next, we have a guy, who I believe didn’t come to watch the movie. It must’ve been the start of the movie, and he receives a call on his cell (Yes, somehow, an irritating, polyphonic ringtone…what are the chances?) He gets up, leaves his companion to watch the movie. After a while he arrives back at his seat (not before he manages to crush my feet), and hardly has a seat when he receives another call! The whole cycle repeats itself, but on the brighter(?) side, he arrives back at his seat with minimum damage to my feet each time.

Another types (yes, types) are those who bring babies along with them for the movies. I have absolutely nothing against people bringing their baby children for the movies, ‘coz babies need their mothers, but if the baby starts bawling and howling, please…please, for the sake of the crowd, please excuse yourself from the room. Not only are you gonna listen to a word what is being said on the screen, but also gonna get more jeers from the crowd.. Of course the crowd won’t say anything more than a ‘Shhh’ Also, what must the baby be going through… “one moment ago, I was in a nice, lighted corridor, and poof…next moment I’m in a weird dark room, where other people are watching a curtain showing oversized people, I can’t understand a word they’re speaking, and there’s a guy speaking loudly on his cell phone next to me…” Now, a baby being a baby, will quickly add up all these things and do the best thing to escape the situation- CRY! And since babies do have a ‘I-don’t care-what-happens-I’m-gonna-cry-and-get-what-I-want’ attitude, you have to let the baby win! So please, no doing “Coochie Coo” to lull the baby to sleep… either the baby is really pissed off over the situation, or pissed off over a shitty movie (in which case you probably have a future budding movie reviewer…)

Another type of movie goers are those who insist on giving a loud, running commentary during the movie… I remember my brother’s friend relating an experience wherein they had gone to watch one of the Die Hard movies (Die hard: with a vengeance, I guess) and there was one guy who was practically giving a running commentary, it was like watching an English movie with Hindi Audio sub titles… Such people should be banned and banished!

We then have the seedha saadha movie goers, who come in the theatre, keep their mobiles on silent (some sincere ones shut it off!), stand up to the national anthem without fidgeting too much, and really get quiet when the opening commences (if they paid a bit more attention to themselves, they’d probably hear their heart beating!). They sit with rapt attention throughout the movie, get shocked like hell when the interval comes up (like as if something’s taken away from them!), and watch the movie till the end credits roll out! Sadly, due to the types of people mentioned above, this type is rare to find, if not hard!

Of course there are mannnny sorts of movie goers, each one of them different from the other… Every theatre has its tribe! If I've missed any, its not that I am biased or something, its just that I haven't seem to have come across them..and even if I have come across different categories of moviegoers apart from those mentioned, they'd be far too irrelevant to remember!

Oh, the trials and tribulations of enjoying a good movie!!!!

P.S.: Never trust movie ‘critics’ and ratings…If you like it, go see it… If you don’t, then don’t see it… Critics are people who can’t bear to see a bar of chocolate in your hands. People who cannot do things that you are most capable of doing…. Movie reviewers are fine, but self proclaimed critics… hmm… Evanesco!!