An evening at the theatre...

Theatre (n.):A building where performance of plays or motion-picture shows can be presented.

I had gone to see 'Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince' with a friend this past Sunday. Harry Potter! Boy, do all the Potters in this world want to thank Joanne K Rowling or what?! Got a kid, let’s name him Harry!

Coming back… it would have been a swell of an experience had it not been for some ‘types’ of people…

First, these are aapro seemingly normal people who, for some unexplained reason, get the most important phone calls of their life just while watching the movie screaming out the worst polyphonic ringtones (Thank God monophonic ringtones are now passé!) They receive the call and speak as if they are larger-than-life heroes of an action movie and the world would end if they didn’t receive the call. To further this frustration, he’ll continuously say ‘Hello!! Hello!!’ over and over again. After a few jeers from the crowd, he’ll stand up, adjust his trousers, and try to wade through a sea of legs (occasionally stepping on a few!) As he is ascending down the stairs, he blares out his ‘hellos’ enough to put the effects of the Dolby system to shame!

Next, we have a guy, who I believe didn’t come to watch the movie. It must’ve been the start of the movie, and he receives a call on his cell (Yes, somehow, an irritating, polyphonic ringtone…what are the chances?) He gets up, leaves his companion to watch the movie. After a while he arrives back at his seat (not before he manages to crush my feet), and hardly has a seat when he receives another call! The whole cycle repeats itself, but on the brighter(?) side, he arrives back at his seat with minimum damage to my feet each time.

Another types (yes, types) are those who bring babies along with them for the movies. I have absolutely nothing against people bringing their baby children for the movies, ‘coz babies need their mothers, but if the baby starts bawling and howling, please…please, for the sake of the crowd, please excuse yourself from the room. Not only are you gonna listen to a word what is being said on the screen, but also gonna get more jeers from the crowd.. Of course the crowd won’t say anything more than a ‘Shhh’ Also, what must the baby be going through… “one moment ago, I was in a nice, lighted corridor, and poof…next moment I’m in a weird dark room, where other people are watching a curtain showing oversized people, I can’t understand a word they’re speaking, and there’s a guy speaking loudly on his cell phone next to me…” Now, a baby being a baby, will quickly add up all these things and do the best thing to escape the situation- CRY! And since babies do have a ‘I-don’t care-what-happens-I’m-gonna-cry-and-get-what-I-want’ attitude, you have to let the baby win! So please, no doing “Coochie Coo” to lull the baby to sleep… either the baby is really pissed off over the situation, or pissed off over a shitty movie (in which case you probably have a future budding movie reviewer…)

Another type of movie goers are those who insist on giving a loud, running commentary during the movie… I remember my brother’s friend relating an experience wherein they had gone to watch one of the Die Hard movies (Die hard: with a vengeance, I guess) and there was one guy who was practically giving a running commentary, it was like watching an English movie with Hindi Audio sub titles… Such people should be banned and banished!

We then have the seedha saadha movie goers, who come in the theatre, keep their mobiles on silent (some sincere ones shut it off!), stand up to the national anthem without fidgeting too much, and really get quiet when the opening commences (if they paid a bit more attention to themselves, they’d probably hear their heart beating!). They sit with rapt attention throughout the movie, get shocked like hell when the interval comes up (like as if something’s taken away from them!), and watch the movie till the end credits roll out! Sadly, due to the types of people mentioned above, this type is rare to find, if not hard!

Of course there are mannnny sorts of movie goers, each one of them different from the other… Every theatre has its tribe! If I've missed any, its not that I am biased or something, its just that I haven't seem to have come across them..and even if I have come across different categories of moviegoers apart from those mentioned, they'd be far too irrelevant to remember!

Oh, the trials and tribulations of enjoying a good movie!!!!

P.S.: Never trust movie ‘critics’ and ratings…If you like it, go see it… If you don’t, then don’t see it… Critics are people who can’t bear to see a bar of chocolate in your hands. People who cannot do things that you are most capable of doing…. Movie reviewers are fine, but self proclaimed critics… hmm… Evanesco!!